I'm drive I can fine osifer
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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