I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
