don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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