Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
