she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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