How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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