You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
