Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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