The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
