I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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