If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
