Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
