I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
