I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
