david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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