Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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