just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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