Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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