I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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