Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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