Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
