the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
