I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My bed smells like the plague
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