How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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