Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We need to rekindle our bromance
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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