My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
