I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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