the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
