u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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