i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
