I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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