Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
