ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
