Ambien. No doubt about it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
