he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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