How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
