I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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