mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
