i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
