i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
