So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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