My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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