i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
