smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
porn star boner night. come get it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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