lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
