Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
