Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
