Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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