just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
