This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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